I'm completely terrified...and I love it.

For as long as I can remember my life has been planned out for me.

Go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, maybe go on a mission, graduate from college, get married.

I kind of feel like my life is in slow motion right now. 

Growing up I wanted to try everything, do everything.

I was always in a rush, always feeling like I needed to be doing something and being perfect at it, and not necessarily soaking in the present moments in my life.

This past week has been very reflective. 

Everything I've been doing has just stuck with me.

Driving to college.

Walking to classes.

Sitting and learning from professors.

Going to work.

Living with some of my best friends.

Staying up late talking and laughing.

Each experience seems to stick with me.

I've started learning guitar.

Its hard, my fingers hurt, and its completely out of my comfort zone.

I love it.

My friend has been teaching me and man, he has definitely needed all the patience he can get to help me.

I whine and complain, get insecure and frustrated, and totally annoyed that my fingers don't do what I want them to.

And as we sat in his apartment the other night, going over the same chords over and over and over again, I was kind of just hit with the small tender mercies in my life.
Especially the ones I've experienced in the past couple of years since graduating.

Silly, I know.

But I find myself grateful for all these small moments.

I find myself lately to be always on the verge of tears as each moment makes me more grateful for all I have.

I'm grateful for this friend who will sit and help me learn something new.

I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to learn a new skill.

I'm grateful for my time I've spent in Provo.

I'm grateful for my roommate experiences.

I'm grateful for being able to attend a University.

I'm grateful for the three years I've spent at my job.

And its like now as I slowly watch this chapter of my life close, I'm realizing how many opportunities I've had and it makes me a little sad to watch these times come to an end.

The past 6 months have been kinda tough.

And when August came, I craved change.

Change in environment, living arrangements, job, friends.

Anything that would mix up my life a little bit.

Yet, change is kind of scary. 

I like order, and organization.

I like plans.

Unfortunately, my plans and the Lord's plans for me rarely are the same.

December is fast approaching.

And I will be an official college graduate.

I'm completely terrified. 

And I love it.

The beginning of the End.

This week I started my last semester of College.

I can hardly believe it.

(My "I can hardly believe it" face^)

It seems surreal.

I've almost felt like I've been in a daze as I've gone through this week.

My roommates have all been stressed out and overwhelmed already.

I've felt nothing of the sort.

I have been completely calm.

Taking on the "bring it on" attitude, totally ready to conquer this last semester.

My last semester.

The panic didn't begin to set in until Thursday night.

I'm graduating in less than 4 months and I have no clue what comes next.

Money, a good job, living arrangements, and what I am going to do about my car that is slowly breaking down on me.

All of it weighing heavy on my shoulders. 

This morning I went to the Provo temple, the first time in months.

It was a much needed trip.

I went feeling all the panic and stress and emotion that had infiltrated its way into my body in the past 24-48 hours.

I love the temple.

I waited nearly 2 hours to do baptisms.
And I was grateful for every minute I got to spend there. 

As I sat there, I made a list of all the answers I received through the scriptures.

I felt some much needed peace and received a lot of comfort in the answers I found in my scriptures.

 I left knowing that everything was going to be okay. 

I wonder how people get through their lives without the gospel. 

I don’t know what the future brings or how I am going to manage but one thing I do know is that the Lord loves me and He will guide me along the right path. 

How grateful I am for my Lord and Savior.