I'm completely terrified...and I love it.

For as long as I can remember my life has been planned out for me.

Go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, maybe go on a mission, graduate from college, get married.

I kind of feel like my life is in slow motion right now. 

Growing up I wanted to try everything, do everything.

I was always in a rush, always feeling like I needed to be doing something and being perfect at it, and not necessarily soaking in the present moments in my life.

This past week has been very reflective. 

Everything I've been doing has just stuck with me.

Driving to college.

Walking to classes.

Sitting and learning from professors.

Going to work.

Living with some of my best friends.

Staying up late talking and laughing.

Each experience seems to stick with me.

I've started learning guitar.

Its hard, my fingers hurt, and its completely out of my comfort zone.

I love it.

My friend has been teaching me and man, he has definitely needed all the patience he can get to help me.

I whine and complain, get insecure and frustrated, and totally annoyed that my fingers don't do what I want them to.

And as we sat in his apartment the other night, going over the same chords over and over and over again, I was kind of just hit with the small tender mercies in my life.
Especially the ones I've experienced in the past couple of years since graduating.

Silly, I know.

But I find myself grateful for all these small moments.

I find myself lately to be always on the verge of tears as each moment makes me more grateful for all I have.

I'm grateful for this friend who will sit and help me learn something new.

I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to learn a new skill.

I'm grateful for my time I've spent in Provo.

I'm grateful for my roommate experiences.

I'm grateful for being able to attend a University.

I'm grateful for the three years I've spent at my job.

And its like now as I slowly watch this chapter of my life close, I'm realizing how many opportunities I've had and it makes me a little sad to watch these times come to an end.

The past 6 months have been kinda tough.

And when August came, I craved change.

Change in environment, living arrangements, job, friends.

Anything that would mix up my life a little bit.

Yet, change is kind of scary. 

I like order, and organization.

I like plans.

Unfortunately, my plans and the Lord's plans for me rarely are the same.

December is fast approaching.

And I will be an official college graduate.

I'm completely terrified. 

And I love it.